In Pittsburgh, we used to get a month of this weather, maybe a little more. It would also rain a lot and after three steps outside, you’d feel like the olive skewer in a Turner’s Iced Tea & dumpster juice cocktail. But now that month of sweaty hell is getting longer and longer and may eat entire summers before it’s full.
According to the National Weather Service, the average summertime temperature last year in Pittsburgh was 72.1 degrees, up from 69.9 degrees on average in 1950.
This past month, it’s been as low as 72 degrees, what, once? And yet, it could be worse.
Watching the Pirates play the Arizona Diamondbacks last weekend, they were, of course, indoors — because, well, it was 110 degrees outside in Phoenix. Phoenix might have four seasons, but they are Spring, Summer, Death, and Other Summer.
In a rapidly warming world, maybe that’s an opening for cold weather Rust Belt cities like Pittsburgh, Detroit, Buffalo, even Cleveland to get a second look; yes, the exact places Americans are fleeing for the Sun Belt in the hopes they’ll never have to see a snowflake ever again. Hey, if there’s one consistent theme to this column, it’s live where you want, not where other people think you should live. Just make sure your affairs are in order in case the air-conditioning stops working.
SWISSVALE
For sale: 7807 Union Ave., $199,000
Like a teenager with a hoodie perpetually up, this house seems almost embarrassed to show its face in public, hiding behind a wall of green. Which is weird, because it has a perfectly fine face (façade). Is there something else it’s hiding? Oh, it’s a duplex with an occupied residence in the lower level? Well, that complicates things. If you suspect you might be a bad landlord, don’t buy this house. The world has plenty of terrible landlords already.
“Shut the door; do you live in a barn?” After hearing that every summer for years as a kid, I thought it would be the ultimate rejoinder to say, “Yes, mom, I do live in a barn.” Well, not really, of course, but this place is bright red and kind of looks a little like a barn. It’s also way cleaner, and in a pleasant part of town that doesn’t get a lot of attention.
HILLTOP
For sale: 322 Hays Ave., Mt. Oliver, $130,000
Sub-$150K homes still exist in Pittsburgh, the vast majority without ancient curses, poltergeists, and/or free-floating bad vibes. (But if you can live with one or more of those things, you can probably go even lower). This place, on the other hand, seems fine! The yellow brick is in good shape, walls and flooring are spotless. Unless there’s some kind of sub-basement or crawlspace (shudder) we aren’t able to see, we’re not scared.
The Pirates just made a bunch of trades at the deadline instead of offloading players for peanuts and prospects. Last time that happened, $750 a month was a normal, unsurprising number for rent (it has been a while). But there are exceptions even now, apparently some in the hilltop enclave of Knoxville. This is good looking brick building,that has apparently resisted the temptation to cover itself in weird siding and metal awnings, and that’s also pretty unusual.
For sale: 435 E. Agnew Ave., Carrick, $175,000
What was that old nursery rhyme about the old woman who lived in a shoe? Is this her place? This duplex is oddly endearing, though; its bright cream-colored interior breaks the spell a bit. Like, if there were a bunch of kids in lederhosen underfoot in here, that would sort of make sense. It does have a nice bit of patio space and a bright, clean and spacious kitchen, so we’ll just pretend the architect back in 1900 knew the future would arrive eventually.
For rent: 244 Reifert St., #1, Bon Air, $850/month
Route 51/Saw Mill Run Blvd. isn’t a road as much as it is a curse. I may be elsewhere now, but some part of my soul is still sitting in traffic, waiting for the light to turn green only to move 20 feet until the next one. Maybe that’s the exact curse that makes sub-$900 rents work in this day and age. Otherwise, Bon Air seems like a lot of pleasant Pittsburgh neighborhoods with well-kept older homes on steep hills. There’s just not a lot to walk to, so on to Route 51 we go!
