Pittsburgh City Paper

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY Sept. 19-25

Rob Brezsny Sep 18, 2024 6:00 AM
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Few of the vegetables grown in the 21st century are in their original wild form. Many are the result of crossbreeding carried out by humans. The intention is to increase the nutritional value of the food, boost its yield, improve its resistance to insect predators, and help it survive weather extremes. I invite you to apply the metaphor of crossbreeding to your life in the coming months. You will place yourself in maximum alignment with cosmic rhythms if you conjure up new blends. So be a mix master, Aries. Favor amalgamations and collaborations. Transform jumbles and hodgepodges into graceful composites. Make "alloy" and "hybrid" your words of power.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy,” quipped comedian Spike Milligan. I propose we make that your running joke for the next eight months. If there was ever a time when you could get rich more quickly, it would be between now and mid-2025. And the chances of that happening may be enhanced considerably if you optimize your relationship with work. What can you do now to help ensure you will be working at a well-paying job you like for years to come?

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The World Health Organization says that 3.5 billion people in the world don't have access to safe toilets; 2.2 billion live without safe drinking water; 2 billion don't have facilities in their homes to wash their hands with soap and water. But it's almost certain that you don't suffer from these basic privations. Most likely, you get all the water you require to be secure and healthy. You have what you need to cook food and make drinks. You can take baths or showers whenever you want. You wash your clothes easily. Maybe you water a garden. I bring this to your attention because now is an excellent time to celebrate the water in your life. It's also a favorable time to be extra fluid and flowing and juicy. Here’s a fun riddle for you: What could you do to make your inner life wetter and better lubricated?


CANCER (June 21-July 22): Cancerian rapper and actor Jaden Smith has won a few mid-level awards and has been nominated for a Grammy. But I was surprised that he said, "I don't think I'm as revolutionary as Galileo, but I don't think I'm not as revolutionary as Galileo." If I'm interpreting his sly brag correctly, Jaden is suggesting that maybe he is indeed pretty damn revolutionary. I'm thrilled he said it because I love to see you Cancerians overcome your natural inclination to be overly humble and self-effacing. It's OK with me if you sometimes push too far. In the coming weeks, I am giving you a license to wander into the frontiers of braggadocio.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Research by psychologists at Queen's University in Canada concluded that the average human has about 6,200 thoughts every day. Other studies suggest that 75% of our thoughts are negative, and 95 percent are repetitive. But here's the good news, Leo: My astrological analysis suggests that the amount of your negative and repetitive thoughts could diminish in the coming weeks. You might even get those percentages down to 35 percent and 50 percent, respectively. Just imagine how refreshed you will feel. With all that rejuvenating energy coursing through your brain, you may generate positive, unique thoughts at an astounding rate. Take maximum advantage, please!

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You have probably heard the platitude, “Be cautious about what you wish for. You might get it.” The implied warning is that if your big desires are fulfilled, your life may change in unpredictable ways that require major adjustments. That’s useful advice. However, I have often found that the “major adjustments” necessary are often interesting and healing — strenuous, perhaps, but ultimately enlivening. In my vision of your future, Virgo, the consequences of your completed goal will fit that description. You will be mostly pleased with the adaptations you must undertake in response to your success.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The bird known as the gray-headed albatross makes long, continuous flights without touching down on the ground. I propose we nominate this robust traveler to be one of your inspirational animals in the coming months. I suspect that you, too, will be capable of prolonged, vigorous quests that unleash interesting changes in your life. I don’t necessarily mean your quests will involve literal long-distance travel. They may, but they might also take the form of vast and deep explorations of your inner terrain. Or maybe you will engage in bold efforts to investigate mysteries that will dramatically open your mind and heart.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You are in a good position and frame of mind to go hunting for a novel problem or two. I’m half-joking, but I’m also very serious. I believe you are primed to track down interesting dilemmas that will bring out the best in you and attract the educational experiences you need. These provocative riddles will ensure that boring old riddles and paltry hassles won’t bother you. Bonus prediction: You are also likely to dream up an original new “sin” that will stir up lucky fun.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Your spinning and weaving abilities will be strong in the coming weeks. I predict that your knack for creating sturdy, beautiful webs will catch the resources and influences you require. Like a spider, you must simply prepare the scenarios to attract what you need, then patiently relax while it all comes to you. Refining the metaphor further, I will tell you that you have symbolic resemblances to the spiders known as cross orbweavers. They produce seven different kinds of silk, each useful in its own way — and in a sense, so can you. Your versatility will help you succeed in interesting ways.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Capricorn basketball player JamesOn Curry had the briefest career of anyone who ever played in America’s top professional league. Around his birthday in 2010, while a member of the Los Angeles Clippers, he appeared on the court for 3.9 seconds — and never returned. Such a short-lived effort is unusual for the Capricorn tribe — and will not characterize your destiny in the coming months. I predict you will generate an intense outpouring of your sign’s more typical expressions: durability, diligence, persistence, tenacity, resilience, determination, resolve, and steadfastness. Ready to get underway in earnest?

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s a good time for you to embrace the serpent, metaphorically speaking. You may even enjoy riding and playing with and learning from the serpent. The coming weeks will also be a favorable phase for you to kiss the wind and consult with the ancestors and wrestle with the most fascinating questions you know. So get a wild look in your eyes, dear Aquarius. Dare to shed mediocre pleasures so you can better pursue spectacular pleasures. Experiment only with smart gambles and high-integrity temptations, and flee the other kinds. PS: If you challenge the past to a duel (a prospect I approve of), be well-armed with the future.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Panda bears don't seem to enjoy having sex. The typical length of their mating encounters is from 30 seconds to two minutes. There was a dramatic exception to the rule in 2015, however. Lu Lu and Zhen Zhen, pandas living at the Sichuan Giant Panda Research Center in China, snuggled and embraced for 18 minutes. It was unprecedented. I encourage you, too, to break your previous records for tender cuddling and erotic play in the coming weeks. The longer and slower you go, the more likely it is you will generate spiritual epiphanies and awakenings.