Last week, I asked my social media community what the most overrated sexual experiences are and I got so many interesting comments that I felt compelled to collect and write up their responses for this column. I was not surprised to see that folks overwhelmingly said that 69 was the most overrated act.
Most people who said that complained of not being able to concentrate on either giving or receiving, and that doing them simultaneously canceled out the pleasure of both. That has typically been my experience as well, though I have had a few fun 69 experiences. Like all acts, context is key! Something that can feel very pleasurable or connective with one person, or in the context of one kind of relationship, can feel forced or unpleasurable in another. Partnered sex is dynamic and relational, and everything on the list should be read with that in mind.
That being said, seeing what acts people don’t like made me wonder what they do like, so I went back to socials and asked folks what sex acts they thought were most underrated. This list was even more fun to compile than the last! Here are the five most underrated sex acts, according to the people who follow me. I invite you to reach out to me and let me know what tops your list.
5. Tribbing
I saw tribbing come up many times and I’m embarrassed to admit that I had to look it up. I realized when I did, though, that I know exactly what tribbing is; it’s basically just scissoring! A.K.A. the act of rubbing two vulvas and clitorises (clitori?) together in a grinding motion. At least, according to most. Some on the internet will say that scissoring involves two vulvas while tribbing involves one vulva and any other body part, but we’re not here to get into semantics. For the purposes of this column, let’s lump them together since the point is: it all feels good!
Soberlite said they think the most underrated act is “grinding and tribbing.” Deja Branch agreed, adding, “tribbing and sideways.” Angela Faustina added more context to the conversation by saying, “I have a trans male partner, and I’m gonna say tribbing.” Angela is pointing out that tribbing isn’t only for lesbian-identified folks, that anyone with vulvas can enjoy it!
In my experience, scissoring or tribbing (as a position) can also be very enjoyable with a partner who has a penis. Same thing, but with the addition of penetration. Admittedly, this is the position my non-binary spouse and I engage in most commonly, so much so that when our couples therapist asked us to independently write down on pieces of paper what our ideal sex life would be, I wrote, “We would continue to scissor as often as we do.” I think our therapist found that response oddly specific; but what can I say — I like it! We keep tribbing and I’m a happy woman!
4. Dry humping
Part of tribbing is grinding, and interestingly, another thing that came up repeatedly was dry humping, which often takes the form of clothed grinding. Indeed, Mary Muse says, “Grinding!! With or without clothing.” Lisa Lou includes making out, saying, “Making out and dry humping.”
Perhaps as adults, especially if we’re in long-term relationships, we have forgotten the fun of long, full-bodied make-out sessions. Riley Marshall says, “I think a great ‘dry humping’ while making out and building anticipation before you even take your clothes off is extremely underrated.”
I think she’s right! We tend to do this more in new relationships than we do with people we’ve been having sex with for years. As pragmatic (and sometimes hot!) as a quickie can be, this is a good reminder to take the time to build anticipation before you even take your clothes off.