Best Venue for Aging Concert-Goers
Mr. Smalls Theatre
Going to concerts gets harder with age. Moshing and dancing feel like work, and first your feet, then your knees, then your back start to ache. If you can still rock out over 35 without special insoles or the help of NSAIDs, I salute you — however, I’m increasingly likely to opt for upgrades like the Mr. Smalls balcony. With no tall people in front of you to worry about, the view is always great. You also have direct access, through waitstaff, to the kitchen and bar, meaning no waiting in line. I once got upgraded to the box directly adjacent to the stage for a noise show and was delighted to smash a flatbread and beers with a direct, seated view of everything the band was doing, and it was perfection. If you’re a fellow aging millennial or older, spring for the box seats. You’re probably gonna spend the money anyway. 400 Lincoln Ave., Millvale. mrsmalls.com
-Colin Williams
Maya Sushi
When it comes to sushi, sometimes you don’t want to be demure. You don’t want to be mindful. Instead, you want heart-healthy raw fish doused in all kinds of delicious creamy stuff, and on those days, you should head to Maya Sushi. On their list of specialty rolls, you’ll find no shortage of choices that include cream cheese and generous drizzles of kewpie mayo with ingredients like “creamy salmon” and “lobster salad.” And yet, their rolls also include bursts of fresh flavor from things like mango, mixed greens, and jalapeno, making a decadent experience delightfully more elevated. Every single one on the menu is a treat. A few even come rolled in pink wraps like saucy little minxes. Meow. 2103 Murray Ave., Squirrel Hill. mayasushipittsburgh.com -Ali Trachta
Best House-Made Ranch Dressing
Pizza Fiesta
There’s a Pizza Fiesta location just downstairs from City Paper’s downtown offices, and nary a week goes by that I don’t sneak out for a slice, not because I’m craving the pizza, but because I’m craving their ranch dressing. No shade to Fiesta’s pies — they’re perfectly decent — but far more delicious is whatever magic they’ve drizzled into that zesty, creamy white stuff. Most of their other dressings come prepackaged from Marzetti, but obviously, they know ranch is special and best made with love. And oh, it is. If you catch me licking that little plastic to-go cup, no you didn’t. Various locations. pizzafiesta.com -Ali Trachta
Best Neighborhood to Pretend You’re on Mister Rogers
Beechview
The T Red Line is the last transit line in Pittsburgh that really captures the je ne sais quoi of the Pittsburgh that inspired the Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood intro sequence. Emerging from the Mt. Washington Transit Tunnel heading to South Hills Junction might not be entering the Land of Make Believe, but the forested trip that leads you from the tunnel to Fallowfield Station overlooking Beechview comes close. And then there’s the neighborhood itself, increasingly a melting pot that’s home to Pittsburgh’s densest collection of Hispanic businesses. Taking the Red Line through Beechview is undoubtedly the best way to feel like McFeely in the ’Burgh (just be aware of ongoing construction). -Colin Williams
Best Twitter Reply Guy
StevefromPGH
As I’ve previously addressed, I’m no fan of the way disingenuous shock jocks profit off our city while living in the suburbs. What I am a fan of is taking it directly to these people on social media (until their homophobic fans become too much of a problem, anyway). StevefromPGH has been among the sharpest reply guys when it comes to perennial pot-stirrer Colin Dunlap, channeling Edvard Munch or QTing fellow Dunlap hater Mark Cuban in an often-successful bid to flame the obnoxious radio host, and for that, we salute you. @StevenEsquire -Colin Williams
Best Shitty Beer
I.C. Light Mango
Beer haters and local brewers alike can attest: I.C. Light Mango is Pittsburgh’s best shitty beer. Some Beer Advocate snobs rant and rave about this refreshing summer crusher, comparing it “horseshit” and “moldy broccoli,” but others get it: “quit lying to yourself. it slaps.” I don’t care if it has artificial sweeteners — it also has 95 calories, a hangover-resistant 3.8% ABV, and a delicious summer flavor. Swap out your mango lassi over Indian food. Take it to the pool. Bring it camping or to a baby shower. Who cares! It’s I.C. Light Mango. Someone will definitely finish the six-pack with you. -Colin Williams
Best Local Job Perk
Free transit as Pitt student/faculty
When I began teaching again as an adjunct at Pitt a couple years back, I neglected to get my I.D. card for a couple weeks in favor of riding my bike in the cold. What a fool I was! For I had neglected the Wonka’s Golden Ticket of Pittsburgh perks: free access to Pittsburgh Regional Transit. Is money tight? Free transit! Don’t want to drink and drive? Free transit! Roads unsafe for your ancient Civic? Free transit! Ready bus access and an e-bike have made it possible for my household to go down to one car — just think what could happen to ridership if free transit were expanded to include more locals. -Colin Williams
Best Air Pollution Provider
Clairton Coke Works
Ah, Pittsburgh mornings. The post-nasal drip, the gentle wheezing of a waking lung. When I step outside to go to work, there’s nothing I like more than a nice chestful of U.S. Steel’s finest hydrogen sulfide. At least 600 others over a one-week span in August agree: The Mon Valley’s famed “smell of money” is part of this complete breakfast! It’s also a perfect reminder that, even though U.S. Steel apparently only employs around the same number of people in 2024 as online pet retailer Chewy, it’s still capable of providing world-class air pollution to over a million Pennsylvanians. Even with smoky ol’ Battery 15 shut down, Clairton Coke Works is still the best of the bunch when it comes to malodorous gasses. We’ll see if the company’s would-be new owners can maintain this plant’s 108-year tradition of CITE (Continuous Improvement To Environment). 400 State St., Clairton. smellpgh.org -Colin Williams
Best Riverfront Dining Hack
Eat’n Park Waterfront (Homestead) Patio
You don’t really think of the Waterfront as a scenic destination. And yet, it’s right there in the name: the steel-mill-turned-shopping-mall sits on the banks of the Monongahela River with the Great Allegheny Passage trail winding through it. In Covid quarantine, I took to walking the Waterfront GAP trail and discovered the restaurants along it all have outdoor seating with riverfront views, unbeknownst to me. While the now-closed Mitchell’s Fish Market boasted a choice patio — and I feel compelled to compliment Red Robin’s al fresco dining with festive string lights — Eat’n Park takes the cake for the Waterfront’s most picturesque meal. During warm weather, the chain’s open-air patio, dare I say terrace, is decorated with colorful window box planters, and lets diners glimpse the Mon, Homestead Grays Bridge, and the grazing goats of Allegheny GoatScape hard at work on the trail. Enjoy the view for the price of a Smiley Cookie (just don’t feed it to the goats).
245 E. Waterfront Dr., Homestead. eatnpark.com -Rachel Wilkinson
Best Bar for Trashy Drinks
Hemingway’s Cafe
I’ve previously given my hot take that I like alcoholic drinks that taste good. That means goodbye to hoppy IPAs, barreled whiskeys, and other bitter beverages claiming to be highbrow, and hello to brightly-colored concoctions topped with candy and whipped cream, which I lovingly call Trashy Drinks. For those on my Epicurean path, there’s no better Trashy Drink stop in Pittsburgh than Hemingway’s Cafe. One of Oakland’s last true college haunts — which I came to know and love as a Pitt student — Hem’s has not strayed from its commitment to serving a rainbow of boozy pitchers and mason jar cocktails, usually garnished with gummy worms or pop rocks. Even if I’ve (mostly) aged out of Hem’s by now, I’m steadfast in my belief that it should be protected. Come for the nostalgia or to watch the game; stay for the kaleidoscope of drinks with throwback prices and sweet potato tots to help wash it all down. 3911 Forbes Ave., Oakland. hemingwayspgh.com -Rachel Wilkinson
Best Place to Beat the Winter Blues
National Aviary Wetlands
There’s nothing like seeing a flamingo when there’s snow on the ground. Pittsburghers find themselves in this privileged position thanks to the National Aviary, where you can travel to the tropics and glimpse all manner of colorful birds during our interminable winters. I’m a year-round Aviary fan, but there’s simply no comparison to visiting during a cold snap. For the winter-averse like me, it’s healing to shed layers of bulky clothes and immerse yourself in heated habitats geared toward animals who’ve never seen snow. I’m particularly fond of the Wetlands, the Aviary’s largest space, and home to 30 free-flying bird species, precious natural sunlight, tall coastal trees, and a pond with wading flamingos that often has steam rising from it — a sure sign you’re not in frigid Pittsburgh anymore. To stave off seasonal woes, plant yourself on a bench, take in the far-flung fauna, and be sure to bring your binoculars. 700 Arch St., North Side. aviary.org -Rachel Wilkinson
Best Place to Pretend Pittsburgh Has a Modern Transit System
The T between Downtown and PNC Park,
aka the North Shore Connector
As a Southerner, I’ll always be in awe of public transit — though after 12 years of commuting in Pittsburgh, I’ll assert our system certainly has its flaws. Mostly, I stick to buses in the East End, but semiannually I’ll make a pilgrimage to catch a Pirates game and, from Downtown, board a gleaming light-rail car that looks imported from the New York City subway. Passengers ride gratis in a designated Free Fare Zone and travel underneath the Allegheny River to emerge seamlessly at PNC Park. I get a kick out of the experience every time and think we’re underselling Pittsburgh’s own underwater tunnel. Little did I know the North Shore Connector was highly controversial when it opened in 2012, criticized as a boondoggle. But I’m here to say I shallowly enjoy the result, and its ease, efficiency, and fare-free model is one we might extend elsewhere. In the meantime, have fun holding your breath in the Pittsburgh Chunnel. -Rachel Wilkinson
Best Bar That’s Resisting Gentrification
Take A Break Bar
In the throes of the Covid pandemic, it looked like we might lose this Lawrenceville institution, known for its cold beer, pool and videogames, and timeless neighborhood feel. Take A Break has already been recognized by Pittsburgh City Paper, voted the Best Dive Bar in our 2017 Best Of PGH Readers’ Poll, but as far as I’m concerned, that was a lifetime ago. Since then, I’ve become one of those annoying Pittsburghers who feels that, as everything is absorbed into a boxy mixed-use development, true dives are vanishingly few (I’m also looking at you, Jack’s Bar and Rock Room). Take A Break will always hold a special place in my heart for ordering pizza for the whole bar when the Penguins won the Stanley Cup in 2016, and for at one time having a wall of chips for sale likely dating back to the last Cup hoisting. I recommend following the bar’s Instagram (yes, it has one, and it liberally uses clip art), where it almost made our Trashy Drinks round-up for featuring a rainbow-swirl whipped cream-topped shot called the Sandy Beach, posted without further comment. Don’t ever change. 3825 Penn Ave., Lawrenceville. instagram.com/take_a_break_bar -Rachel Wilkinson
Best Place to Eavesdrop on Awkward First Dates
Hidden Harbor
If you’re a nebby jerk like me, your ears can’t help but perk up when the stammering of a messy first date is near. Hidden Harbor provides the perfect atmosphere to spy on people regretting that they swiped right — the Squirrel Hill tiki bar is quiet enough to eavesdrop on conversations and the powerful cocktails will loosen even the most reserved tongues. Sip on a crafted drink and act like you don’t hear the person next to you talk incessantly about their ex, or insist they have to get up early the next morning. 1708 Shady Ave., Squirrel Hill. hiddenharborpgh.com -Amanda Waltz
Best Place to Get a Weird Flash Tattoo
Kindness Solidarity Design
Sometimes you just need a tattoo of a shark with hairy legs, a decomposing Disney character, or an angry sentient ice cream cone. Kindness Solidarity Design (KSD) in Homestead has you covered. From the bizarre to the cute to the playfully fucked up, the shop’s artists offer flash with an irreverent vibe. Follow the KSD Instagram page to stay updated on themed flash deals (they recently released Friday the 13th designs) and make your body a living skin gallery for weird little guys. 101 E. Eighth Ave., Homestead. Kindnesssolidarity.design -Amanda Waltz
Best Unintentional Graffiti Art Gallery
“Garlic World”
The Liberty Ave. and Main St. intersection has long caused headaches for drivers passing, leaving, or getting on the Bloomfield Bridge. Luckily, an unexpected hero emerged to give frustrated commuters a dash of levity. For years, a mysterious tagger has written absurd messages on the wall behind the Little Italy sign, producing masterpieces like “Welcome to Garlic World!,” “24 hour-Sky Fierra [sic],” “Sigurney [sic] Weaver still is alive,” and, more recently, “emma stoned,” among many others. The misspellings, pop culture references, and no-frills style place this somewhere between a public art project and street poetry. While each one inevitably gets covered up, we salute the Instagram account @pittsburghgraffiti for immortalizing them. -Amanda Waltz
Best Unexpected Place to Spot Hotties
Caffé Mona Bloomfield
Maybe it’s the crepes, the cozy, intimate atmosphere, or the all-around European-ness of it all, but the Caffé Mona Bloomfield location does not miss when it comes to attracting all types of local cuties. Each time I enjoy a French-style brunch with a light, vibrant, perfectly dressed side salad, I marvel at how I am, with my shlubby weekend wear and (most likely) unwashed hair, the biggest uggo in the joint. Keep up the good work, Caffé Mona. 4200 Penn Ave., Bloomfield. caffemona.com -Amanda Waltz
Best Ultra-Niche Trivia Night
Two Frays
Are you a simp for The Sopranos, a Lord of the Rings king, a Swiftie to the max? If you’re looking for a place to flaunt your vast knowledge of TV shows, movies, music, and more, Two Frays is the place to be. PGH Trivia hosts super-specific trivia nights at the Garfield brewery, where players can compete for fun prizes and the distinction of knowing more about pop culture ephemera than anyone else in the bar. Check out the Two Frays Instagram account for the latest trivia night lineup. 5113 Penn Ave., Garfield. twofraysbrewery.com -Amanda Waltz
